New Boston Half Marathon Race Report

I'm sitting here drinking a beer that I've been saving for my first race back, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping it would be a PR beer too - see last post. But it wasn't to be, and I am OK with that. I'm convinced that the fitness was/is there, the execution was as good as it could be, but too many pieces of the puzzle refused to line up for me today - notably the weather (though I hate to be someone who uses the weather as an excuse on a day that many would consider to be great running weather, but the truth is 60+ degrees and sun just doesn't work for my body to race optimally, and that's all there is to it). And you know what, those racing skills get rusty after a year and a half of disuse! But let me focus on a couple of things I'm really proud of about this race:

- Most importantly, even despite the shitshow that was the second half, I was SO happy to be out there, just doing the thing. I definitely caught myself thinking a few times that feeling this awful and dealing with cramps and missing times was definitely an argument for NOT racing, but honestly I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

- Until the wheels fell off (which is sort of a separate problem), I executed my pacing PERFECTLY. I did not go out too fast - I went out 3 seconds under goal pace, and proceeded to run right at goal pace feeling relaxed and glorious for 6.5 miles. I'm convinced I can run the full distance at this pace one day.

- Despite an overall physical meltdown in the second half, I really managed to stay mentally positive in what might have been a really devastating situation in the past. Rather than beat myself up when things started to break down, I just focused on staying in the mile and trying to problem solve with what I could do to improve the situation. Also, by the last couple of miles, so many things had gone wrong that I actually started to find the whole situation funny, which I can't say I've ever thought before. Like, actually comically bad. So if comically bad for me is a 1:34 half these days, there are certainly worse places to be in fitness.

-I gave my best effort for 98% of the race, even when things were really spiraling down the drain. I had to stop and stretch out my quad several times, and had to walk through a water stop to get down some fluids, but the alternative to doing those things was either slowing down to a jog or dropping out, so I don't view them as moments of weakness as frustrating as they were. I had one moment where I feel like I walked because I was kind of giving up (mile 9 was nothing short of a disaster to the tune of 7:40 lol) but thankfully a girl passing me slapped me on the back and gave me some words of encouragement and snapped me out of it, and I definitely felt like I was able to rally a little bit at the end. 

And as a counterpoint, a couple of things that I'd like to improve on:

- Just...figuring out how to deal with my body's response to "warmth". The race today wasn't hot by any means - I think it was approaching 60 at the start and probably in the mid to high 60s at the finish - and my perception was never really specifically "I'm hot". The problem was that something was off in my electrolyte/fluid situation and once I fall into that hole it's impossible to climb out of. The fact that my dropoff happened really abruptly and dramatically leads me to believe that there was basically a moment when I became dehydrated, and the fact that the water stops were pretty spread out and I wasn't able to get more than a sip from the first two lends to that theory (absolutely not a slight at the race by any means - I totally get having grab from a table vs. volunteers due to COVID). So I'd really love to figure out how to prevent myself from falling into that hole, or at least hold it off a little longer. Can I hydrate more aggressively the morning of the race, or in the days before? Salt tabs? Again, I'm never going to try for a PR in the dead of summer, but it kind of sucks that at the moment I basically have 4, maybe 5 months of the year where I can actually have any shot at racing well and the rest I have to write off due to this problem. 

OK, moving on to the actual race report! This race had a time trial start from 7:30-9, but since we were seeded by pace I was relatively far up in the field and so was assigned a start time in the first wave, 7:35. With an 80 minute drive to the venue, it was an EARLY morning. I was up at 4 am, ate my banana and started in on a can of iced coffee, braided my hair, and got out of there. Thanks to a last minute zipcar change I had to walk about a mile to get to my car, but it was actually quite pleasant - there's something about being out on the way to a race as the sun is coming up, when the streets are totally empty that I just love. The drive was uneventful, I was jamming to my playlist and we can mark down instance #1 when I almost cried for the day while jamming to some of my latest pump up jams, and I made it to Goffstown in perfect time, right at 6:25 which is what had been recommended for me to park. Perfect! I was in desperate need of a porta potty after drinking a full bottle of nuun (still not enough fluids, apparently...) en route and was delighted to find a random porta potty, not associated with the race, in the lot of a car repair shop on the way to the start. Secret porta potties for the WIN! I walked down to the starting area, and here we have instance #2 of me almost crying as I took in the sight of the finish line arch, runners milling around, music blasting through speakers somewhere. There's just something so special about the atmosphere of a race that you can't recreate on your own and I just felt overwhelmed to finally be back in that electricity after so long. 

I picked up my bib and shirt, and then rearranged my bag before heading back towards the course to warm up. I ended up stowing my bag in some trees so I could use the secret porta potty post warmup, which turned out to be the move as the lines were nuts at the real ones by the time I got back to the start. I literally don't remember how to warm up? I figured 15 minutes was sufficient, and if not that was too bad because it was literally all I had time for. I returned to the secret potty, grabbed my stuff, and had barely enough time to change shoes and put my bag in bag check before we were being called to the start!

So obviously mass starts are not a thing right now, but Millennium is just killing it with their system of a time trial start - everything ran super smoothly but still "felt" like a normal race. We stood at our little cones in the starting corral area as announcements were made - Molly Seidel randomly was running this race I think as a workout? Which I thought was pretty cool. I was fiddling around with the laces on my shoes since I've only worn the Endorphin Speeds for a couple of workouts and was still a little nervous about pressure from the lacing. Swinging my legs out a bit and shaking loose. But also just sort of standing there in disbelief...like...I am here in this corral with all of these people, literally the most strangers I've seen in a year and a half, and we are going to do a race, and it's happening, holy shit. And then the national anthem played and I almost cried again! Because of course I did, and I knew I would. Just so much gratitude and joy to even have the opportunity to be here. I closed my eyes and just soaked it in. 

Holy heck and then it was time to race! I had carefully crafted my playlist with a super specific order and so I knew what song I was going to start to: Kesha's "Raising Hell". I really can't wait to see the race photos, because we stood on the line until the little racecar lights turned green, and as I hit play I ran out of the start with a smile on my face, singing along, so. fucking. happy. (I bet in photos this looks totally ridiculous lmao). Now you'd think that this could lead to some stupid behavior, but no, I became a smarter runner during the pandemic, and I actually turned my watch to current pace mode just for the first mile, to make sure I did not go out like an idiot. And IT WORKED! I ran a perfect 6:48 for the opening mile. I was aiming for 6:50 pace overall, so that was beautiful. I felt relaxed, smooth, delightful. One small and extremely stupid wrench in my plan when I realized that the second song that was playing was not, in fact, the song that was supposed to be playing...because I am a DUMB DUMB, and left my specifically curated playlist on SHUFFLE mode. The first of many things that I would laugh at during the race...and probably an omen of things to come.

The course was a lollipop, with the first 5 miles running out, then completing a loop in Goffstown, and then running back on the same road for the last 4 miles. My goal for the entire out section was just to lock into a rhythm and cruise, which was exactly what I did. The course does have the unfortunate feature of running slightly downhill on the out and uphill on the back (like, can we switch that around next year?) but the overall profile didn't have a ton of elevation and I had convinced myself that it wouldn't have a huge impact. I'm still convinced it didn't, really, because there were other fish to fry, but I digress. I was bopping along, happy as could be. Because of the time trial start and seeding, there wasn't a ton of passing to be done, but I actually did mow down 3 or 4 people who'd started ahead of me, which was of course a confidence boost. I felt like I was exerting the perfect level of effort and the pace looked like exactly what I wanted it to be. 6:50, 6:50, 6:51. All systems go. The first water stop came relatively early, and because it required grabbing a cup off a table while moving at 6:50 pace I unfortunately managed to throw most of the water all over myself and get very little into my mouth, but I didn't worry because at this stage we were in the shade and I was feeling just fine. One thing I did notice somewhat (which I think turned out to be a BIG thing) was that the road was significantly slanted towards the left, enough to be noticeable while running. We could only run on the lefthand side of the road, so it wasn't really avoidable, but I think for me it took it's toll in ways I would see shortly.

Anyway, for the moment things were grand, and were about to get even more wonderful, because as I looked off in the distance I saw a couple of people cheering pretty aggressively, one of them holding a sign. Since the majority of "spectators" to this point had mainly been people taking a break from doing yardwork to clap a little bit, this was something new. And then I got closer and damn near burst into tears because I realized it was JOY AND ELISE! I actually clapped my hand over my mouth in the most theatrical gesture and shrieked YOU GUYSSSSS!!! My heart. My friends. That they would come all the way up to this race t the crack of dawn to cheer because they knew it mattered to me - in case you're keeping score at home CRY TIME #4! A guy who'd been running in front of me was kind of chuckling and I gasped "That was a SURPRISE!" to which he laughed "I guessed that" hahaha. I was in the hyperventilating try not to cry breathing stage of life for a couple of minutes, during which I looked down at my watch to see that I'd just run a 6:46, my fastest mile yet. Everything was going SO WELL!

*Spoiler alert: things would stop going so well very, very shortly*

About a half mile later, we turned off the main road and onto some kind of uphill, which was really the first time I'd noticed any sort of effort at all. Which was fine - I chalked it up to "no shit, Sherlock, we're going up hill" and forged ahead. But then the hill...continued. Continued into a stretch of road where there was no shade and the sun felt very hot. "That's OK," I reassured myself, "just get through this stretch, relax, calm down, you'll be fine". (proud of your self talk, self). However, positive self talk didn't mean squat when my left quad all of a sudden decided that it was peacing out of this party, and proceeded to absolutely seize up. Ummm....WTF? My first reaction was actually sort of confused...like, I was literally feeling fine? What is this about? I had taken a Gu at 5 and was definitely hoping for a water stop, but nothing that seemed to precede whatever the hell was happening. And I swear, I've had a lot of races where you take the slow slide down into oblivion, but this felt like I took a flying leap off a cliff and never looked back. All of a sudden, without warning, my body was just done. It was like the quad cramp set off some kind of alarm system where my legs were like "huh, oh no, we all should cramp up too!" and my stomach was like "oh no, I'm not happy either!" and my overall physiology was like "hang on a second, we don't have enough of either water or salt OR BOTH we're NOT SURE" and everything went to shit. Add the fact that I was stumbling down a desolate street with shitty pavement, and the fact that the entire pack of people who started before me and who I had previously passed swallowed me up, and it was not a good time.

I ran for about half a mile in this shambling gait still trying to parse out what the hell was actually going on with my leg before making a decision that deeply frustrated me but I felt was for the best to stop and stretch out my leg. At this point I still had a thought that if I could work out the cramp I could somehow get back into it, especially because that mile (where I literally stopped and stood still for at least 10 seconds) still somehow clocked in as a 7:12. But it soon became apparent that the writing was on the wall. Despite the stretching, despite grabbing water at another stop, the cramp wasn't going away. I had lost all fluidity in my gait and as soon as I saw a 7:2x for mile 8, I knew: I was fucked.

But what could I do? I wasn't going to drop out of my first race back, as appealing as that seemed. I had to try to find a way through it. So first I had to find my way through the nightmare of mile 9, by FAR the worst mile of the race. Checking in with all systems: left quad, still seizing, low back trying to join the party as well. Stomach: not happy! Hydration: poor! Core temperature: above nominal limits! Every little incline felt like a mountain, and once again my stupid left leg reduced me to a walk up one. This was really the place where I almost completely gave up. Thankfully, a girl who started behind me happened to come up on me just then, and gave me a pat on the back and some kind of encouragement. That woke me from my stupor and my little pity party. I could find my way through this; it wasn't going to be what I wanted or what I'd hoped for, but I could problem solve and salvage something of the situation. I started running again; by this point I felt like what I desperately needed was hydration. When I got to the next water stop I made the executive decision to walk through, drinking a full cup of gatorade (or actually I think powerade, which oddly I have never had in a race before? Blue flavor was sort of a nice change from lemon lime lol). This was clearly what I needed, because while I wasn't able to fully reclaim my sub 7 pace of the earlier miles, I really got back into things for miles 10-11, locking my eyes on the back of the girl who'd encouraged me and clicking off some very reasonable 7:1x splits. I had been thinking for a bit about what sort of signal I'd give Joy and Elise when I saw them again, and I think I just gave them a shake of the head and a "disaster!!", hopefully with a little bit of a laugh. It was just so amazing to have friends to look for on the course though, just another thing that kept me going. I took some more water somewhere in there, and then promptly got a side stitch, because, like, of course I did. This was around the time where things began to become comical. We've got leg cramps, nausea, side stitches, dehydration, oh and now my phone is wet and is randomly skipping my music around, there's Gu all over my hands, this is AWESOME, this is what I've been WAITING FOR! 

We hit mile 11 and I was like OK, cool, you can DO THIS, and then my ridiculous leg seized up, again, and I had to walk, again. And thinking back on this now, I wonder, should I have just pushed through? I just feel like when I cramp like that I really...can't? My quad is sore as hell now so I know it was a real thing, but I hate thinking back on how many times I had to actually stop running during this race. Oh well. It happened. And in the actual moment, I was just like, you know what, it's fine, get it under control and get back to it. No pity, no sadness, just like...get through it, deal with it, get to the finish line. There was a lady sitting by mile 12 with a dog that was just cashed out on the ground, and I laughed and pointed and was like..."I wish I was doing that right now". I was gradually starting to reel in a guy who I had passed early and then been passed by, and that was a nice little carrot on the stick in the final miles. Don't worry...I passed him, then had to stop, AGAIN (this time accompanied by a nice shout of FUCK) and then just begged my body to pull it together for one last quarter mile and was able to get back ahead of him. I am sorry, random man, for being such an awkward end of race compatriot. By this point I was also starting to get unpleasant flickers of cramps in my calves and I was just praying that they could stay flickers for like...3 more minutes. 

We finally came around the corner and into the finishing chute, and despite the utter mess of the last 6 miles I somehow found it in me to turn it on as I came around the corner. The good thing about the chaos of the second half of this race was that I had completely given up on a PR, a decent time, anything, and so I had no idea or particular attachment to my finish time. But let's finish strong, anyway! So I powered across the line in 1:34:08. Ah, it was far from perfect. 1:34, I think, is now my most ubiquitous time for the half. But you know, there are worse things in life than a 1:34 half being "disappointing". 

I sort of wanted to vomit as soon as I crossed the line (lovely!) but managed to hold that in and receive my medal and some water, while ignoring the usual assortment of snacks that I never want any part of at the end of the race. Things I want at the end of a race: potato chips, soda/seltzer, a popsicle. Things I do NOT want at the end of a race (which are always there): banana, bagel, fruit cup, granola bar. I roamed out of the finish chute, pausing to thank the girl who helped me pull it together and congratulating her on her race, and plopped down in the grass, where Joy and Elise eventually found me! Now there are probably a bunch of times in the past when a race like today would have made me want to cry. Today it just made me want to laugh! Despite the time and the atrocious second half...I was happy. Happy that I'd put myself out there without fear and taken a shot, laughing at the fact that at least if I was going to blow up I was going to do it spectacularly. 

BUT my day got even better, because after sending Joy and Elise off for the rest of their long run, I got to spend the next hour CHEERING FOR RUNNERS which we all know is my other favorite thing to do, and something that I sort of forgot I haven't gotten to do in a REALLY long time. This is so dumb, but do you know what the 5th thing that almost made me cry today was? I'm out there clapping, cheering, screaming, the works, and some guy sticks out his hand for a high five...and I literally was like oh my god I'm going to high five a stranger for the first time in two years. And it seriously felt like the best high five of my life. Like something so simple, so normal, and like yes, COVID is still a thing but I'm just so thankful for science and for the vaccine, and for the fact that today I was able to run a road race, to high five a stranger, to hug my friends. Stuff I'll admit I definitely took for granted until it was gone.

Joy and Elise and I met up at Kelsen Brewing and sipped some beers in the sun with some nachos and hot pretzels before heading home, and I've pretty much been laying in bed reading my new favorite cheesy fantasy novel series ever since. My left quad hurts like a B, so that cramp was definitely a real thing. And I know, without a doubt, that today wasn't an accurate representation of my fitness. But for today, that's OK. I was there in the arena, I took a chance and didn't let fear hold me back, and I found the positives when in the past I would have only seen failure. I hugged my friends, I high fived strangers, I ran a RACE today, and it feels so, so good to be back.

Oh and importantly, I ran a 10K PR today! Which you know what I am TAKING because there's an official split for it, and it's a 30 second PR, and my 10K PR is dumb. I suspect that I probably can run faster in the 10K, given that the first 10K of this race didn't feel hard at all...but whatever. So take that half marathon, I still got my PR! (42:41)

New Boston Half Marathon

1:34:08

76/833 OA, 23/516 F, 8/85 F30-34