So there's been a theme to 2024 racing, and it's this: I sign up for a race WAY too far in advance, by the time said race is approaching I don't really feel like training for it, I put in the bare minimum, and then I go out there and have the absolute time of my life (and sometimes also a fast time as well). So it's really only fitting that Philly, which I contemplated not even starting because I truly didn't train for it, ended up being one of the most life affirming, soul filling, remembering why I do this days of my life.
Let's back up for a minute - back in early December of last year, I found myself with FOMO seeing people's Philly posts, because my two experiences at Philly had been WONDERFUL. I also found myself having a few beers with Andrew on the couch, and next thing I knew I found myself saying "should I do it, should I sign up for Philly?" I feel when I get into these states Andrew is now aware that these are entirely rhetorical questions, and so he nodded gamely as I hit submit on registration for a marathon that was almost an entire year away.
Many things happened between then and now! I trained for Boston (acceptably, if without a great deal of excitement), ran Boston (poorly, and hotly, but generally happily), crammed in a training cycle for Sea to Summit (running very minimally), rode my S2S fitness into 70.3 New York (happy for the season to be over) and....OH RIGHT, I'm registered for a marathon. To put the insanity of that into perspective, I ran between 22 and 28 miles per week the ENTIRE summer, I ran more than a half marathon distance a total of twice between Boston and October, and there were a total of 6 weeks between the half iron and Philly, the first of which I spent completely knocked down for the count with sickness. The prospect of running a marathon seemed utterly ridiculous.
Initially, I thought I might drop to the half, but then I managed to miss that deadline so I was committed to the bit. Then I thought I maybe would just skip the race altogether, but I'd roped Brittany into the weekend and couldn't really abandon her when this whole stupid thing had been my idea in the first place! So I formulated a plan. I would do a couple of a long runs to make sure I wasn't going to actually injure myself going to the start line, and then I would run like a long run until I didn't feel like it anymore. If that meant dropping out at 15, fine, if that meant jogging the whole thing, fine, but I had to go to the start line because I made my bed and now it was my responsibility to lie in it. I honestly believed in the weeks leading up to the race that I would drop out and not care. But somewhere along the way something wormed its way into the back of my brain that was like a) you're not a quitter, and b) what if, for the first time in your life, you actually really and truly just do a race for fun? Like, not just "having fun" at Boston because it's hot and you have to let go of your goals, but like start to finish having a party? The more I pictured how that race might look, the more attached to it I became. Sure, I would have moments of light panic when I considered the fact that I still needed to run 26 miles at any pace, something I felt woefully unprepared for, but mostly when I pictured the race I pictured this glow of fun, of living it up with the crowds, and of just being totally free from any thoughts having anything to do with time. In short, I thought: fuck it, we're doing this. And so, I prayed to the running gods and to my own spirit that I could pull one more race out, one more time, to finish out the year.
I flew to Philly on Friday and met up with Brittany; as one of my best friends from college being with her always sets the tone for a great weekend and this was no exception. We hit the expo where we bought AMAZING Gritty shirts, caught up over lunch where we both ordered soup because it was freezing and raining outside, and ended up having a nice chill night at the hotel watching Boondock Saints. On Saturday, Brittany was racing the half, and naturally there was nowhere else I was going to be but out on the course cheering like a crazy woman. I remember thinking that one of the negatives about running the full in Philly would be that I couldn't cheer for the half because I'd be too worried about saving my energy. Well, the benefit of running the full like a party is that I wasn't going to let that stand in my way of bringing the energy out to the course, and I had a BLAST - I hung out at mile 7 for about an hour and a half with my speaker and megaphone, going wild, then ran over to mile 12 to cheer some more. I had forgotten how hard the Philly spectators go - my favorite thing was when I was jogging over to my second cheer spot for my "shakeout run" (lol) and saw a group of girls straight up taking pulls from a bag of Franzia, lol. I tried really hard to control my tendency to either be squatting or jumping around while cheering as I felt neither of those would be conducive to the next day, but I think as a result I committed even more energy into my arms and my voice, lol. Some people commented on my energy and I kind of wanted to be like this is not even me at 100% capacity, hahaha. There is truly nothing I love more than cheering for a race! I was proud of myself for drinking a whole bottle of water and eating a sleeve of graham crackers while cheering; when cheering is life you still need to carbo load!
I met back up with Brittany and we headed out for lunch at the aptly named Marathon Restaurant, where I had a turkey club (obvi) and an apple cider mimosa (less obvi but delicious) before we headed to what turned out to be the GREATEST pre marathon experience of my life - going to see Wicked! First of all, the movie was amazing. Second of all, I drank a giant Icee for the first time since I was probably 14 because #carbs and it was amazing. Third of all, I got to spend the entire 3 hour movie ensconced in the most AMAZING recliner (seriously when did movie theaters get such incredible seats?) which was also HEATED. This was extra wonderful because my back was bothering me from whatever nonsense I had been doing cheering in the morning, and being able to put my feet up and also have essentially a heating pad on my back while watching this spectacular movie was the best. I didn't think once about the marathon during the entire film - absolutely perfect.
We went to Wilder, a pizza restaurant near the hotel for dinner, and even though the service was a little bizarre I had a great cocktail (because one must always have prerace cocktails when in Philly) and great pizza. We then stopped by a coffee shop so I could get some cold brew for the morning and grabbed some beer at a bodega so I could have my traditional prerace nail painting beer. I was in a weird and giddy mood, weirdly excited about this completely atypical challenge that I had presented myself with. I started trying to fall asleep around 9:30, and while I was woken up by our neighbors having a conversation that seemed as if they might be in the room with us (the female counterpart squealing "STAAAAHP" at something her boyfriend had done was particularly jarring) around 11:30, I generally slept pretty well.
I considered an alternate alarm song given the vibes of the race, but in the end I stuck with good old Thunderstruck at 5 am, and it was time to party. I actually was a little thrown off because it has been SO long since I did a marathon that didn't require a super early wakeup and a bus ride out to the start somewhere - the last loop course I did was Baystate in 2017!! Kind of wild, and I also realized halfway through my morning breakfast routine that I actually needed to cut to the second part of said breakfast routine, lol. Had my coffee and half a naked juice, a banana, and a couple of sheets of graham crackers, braided my hair, put on my party pace singlet and got my glitter on my face (I bought face glitter for this race, in case we needed more indication of my mindset), played "What The Fuck Is Happening Here" and giggled with Brittany yet and then left on a quote from Boondock Saints..."I'm fuckin' fine. I'll catch you on the flip siiiide..."
I walked the darkened streets towards the start area, at one point laughing as I had myself a little rave party underneath a flickering streetlight. I was prepared for the security lines, having dealt with them at the half in the past, and was actually pleasantly surprised that the non-bag line at the entrance I'd selected was very reasonable. I waited about 10 minutes, during which time I also got to have a dance party to Animals which was blasting out of the start area. Totally fitting for a party pace kind of day. Once through the airport security, I filled up my bottle (realizing I was an idiot and hadn't even put my electrolytes in it as planned, oh well). Hit the porta potty, wandered around for a bit, and then decided to get in the porta potty line again as the minutes ticked down towards the start. I figured I had plenty of time, but after 20 minutes of waiting in a seemingly unmoving line I gave up and headed towards the corrals. As it turned out, the lines for the porta potties on the other side of the corrals were much shorter, and I ended up jumping in over there without issue. I headed into the corral, deciding to move back from my assigned corral B to corral C as I wasn't interested in contending with people trying to run under 3:30 which I had no intention of attempting. I immediately spotted a man in an amazing hot dog suit, and I knew THAT was who I wanted to stand next to lol.
It was actually surreal standing there in the corral, knowing I had a marathon in front of me. Throughout the whole day I really actively tried to never think about the whole distance and to just take it one mile at a time, but facing the starting line sort of put what I was about to do into the spotlight. But I also felt weirdly emotional, and so grateful to be in the position I was in. It probably didn't help that when I first started my playlist, Defying Gravity came on. There was something about doing this race, in this way, that felt so utterly freeing to me. Throughout my athletic career I have always cared about performing well and placed that at the forefront, with all the mental challenges and heartbreak that came with. And that is meaningful, and important, and was the mindset that made me into the athlete that I am today. But over the last couple of years, I have realized more and more that what is REALLY important to me, deep down, isn't the numbers and the accolades and the high placements - it is the joy. It is doing hard things, sure, but it is doing them in a way that makes my heart soar. Standing there and knowing that whatever happened over the next few hours I was doing it my way and doing it for me was really special.
And then I watched a little kid standing on the grandstand next to me blow an air horn, a big smile on his face, and then I was running. And the next 3 hours and 39 minutes were some of the most spectacularly joyful hours and minutes of my entire athletic career.
The first 10K of the Philly course is gloriously flat and fast, and gloriously lined with spectators. From the moment I stepped across the line there were walls of people with enthusiasm radiating out even at 7 in the morning. I looked at my watch a couple of times in the first half mile just to make sure I wasn't doing anything stupid (rule #2, don't be an idiot) and then after seeing that I was right in a nice 8:15ish area, flipped it to time of day and never looked at it again. And then I grinned, and grinned, and grinned. I kept seeing groups of spectators on the sidelines see the person that they were there to see, and just watching those reactions was so beautiful. From the gun I started finding all of the "tap here for power" signs or cubes or what have you and whacking them with everything I had. Somewhere in the first few miles we made a sweeping left turn and I came around it with my arms out wide, airplane arms or you're doing it wrong. This was nothing if not an airplane arms day.
Despite having found a porta potty so close to the start, I found that I needed to pee almost immediately once I started running. I kept thinking I would stop when I saw a porta potty without a line, and I kept thinking that over and over until about mile 20 when the urge to pee finally disappeared, lol. During the section running along the water, "We Built This City" came on my playlist and I started doing the stupid little hand dance that I learned back in Madison all those years ago, because we built this city on rock and rooolllll. One of my rules for party pace was that I needed to partake of ALL of the adult beverage stops that I could find, and I was very excited to find a beer stop already at mile 4! Truly, Philly spectators know how to throw the absolute best party (ahem, FRAMINGHAM, take some goddamn notes!) I grabbed a cup of some kind of light beer and slammed it, then immediately nearly ran into a tree branch hanging out into the road and just started giggling. And then I took my first Gu, naturally, because just because you're having a party you can't totally throw fueling out the window! LOL.
We were rolling down a street of brownstones now and I was just grooving - the math I was doing on my watch told me that I was rolling a little hot at right around 8 minute pace, but I was just having too much fun to care. We passed a church with a full on gospel choir outside that gave me chills, and shortly after I saw a woman with a MOO DENG sign (a literal cutout Moo Deng that said "You can MOO it!") I SCREAMED "MOO DENG!!!!" probably greatly confusing anyone around me who is not familiar with the internet's favorite hippo, lol, but seriously props to that lady for an absolutely amazing sign.
I truly wish that I could bottle the feeling of the downtown miles, 5-7 or so, because when I tell you these crowds were better than Boston, better than New York, better than ANYTHING I have ever experienced, I am not joking. The absolute wall of sound, of energy, of hype radiating out from these people, lining the streets with not a single gap, universally sending vibes that made my crazy cheerleader heart sing, was absolutely incredible, and I absolutely ate it up. I was making eye contact, pointing, slapping more tap here for power signs, throwing high fives, soaking up everything. At one point someone cheered at me and I cheered back at them and we made eye contact and it was Olympian Alphine Tuiliamuk!! I literally spent the next several minutes thinking about how I had just had a cheer *moment* with Alphine and how freaking cool that was. Somewhere in this stretch "Dancing On My Own" came on my playlist which just felt so perfect. Everyone else could do whatever they wanted...I would be here, at this incredible party, dancing on my own. Man, it was just the best, the best, the best. Pure and utter joy all the way around.
Soon enough I was up to the 7 mile mark and the point where I'd been cheering the day before, and right around there I heard or saw someone offering up shots of FIREBALL. For a split second I thought "yikes, mile 7, it's too early," and then I thought "THIS IS THE TIME TO DO THIS!" and I ran right on over there and shot back that fireball, to absolute roars from the group offering it, and do you know what, it tasted SO GOOD. I spent the next mile or so feeling the warm glow of possibly the alcohol, but most definitely the vibes of the crowd, just grinning as I headed into the next section of the course around Drexel University.
I remembered this section sucking both times I ran the half; there's a decent hill around mile 8 that I recalled really taking it out of me. But the fun thing about running party pace was that hills don't feel nearly so bad when you're not trying to run goal half marathon pace! Also, shout out to the Philly course for placing all the major hills in the first half! After the hill there's a stretch that I remember being quieter but this time it was decidedly more rowdy. I had a little banter with a guy holding a sign that said "Motivational Sign." ("Love the creativity!" lol) and then found another group handing out beer, which I naturally partook of gladly. Even further back in the pack than I was used to being, I was still surrounded by people who were generally taking the race pretty seriously, so it seemed like the alcohol stations got an extra kick out of someone coming over to take them up on their offer when not many people were.
We headed past the intersection where the half turns off and out towards the zoo; now I was in a section of the course that I didn't know, although I did know it featured some hills. I couldn't believe I was already 10 miles into the race, running faster than anticipated, loving my life, and feeling GREAT - I knew the feeling might not last, but I was gonna ride the train as long as I possibly could. There was a long hill leading up towards the zoo, but thankfully I had the distraction of an out and back section, which meant I got to cheer for runners coming the other way, and that was how I kept myself entertained for the next couple of miles. I saw Jenna and gave her a cheer (even though she ratted me out to the GBTC coaches when I was trying to run incognito, lol) as well as another GBTC guy, and just generally kept trying to keep the hype train going for the runners who were definitely running a lot faster than me.
The zoo section was quiet as far as spectators were concerned, and I sort of zoned in on my playlist for a bit as there wasn't much else to focus on. It was around here that I also definitely started to notice that I'd been running for awhile - it just wasn't feeling as easy as it had at the start. Well, I told myself, if it doesn't feel like party pace anymore then you should slow down! As it turned out I actually didn't slow down that much in this section at all; in fact, I ran a super consistent race all the way up until about mile 21, at which point I slowed down but only a little. Kind of wild, really! (It's almost like when you pace yourself and keep the effort appropriate in the beginning you have a stronger race overall, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?!)
I was jamming to my playlist, awaiting my next snack at mile 12, and debating what to do with my sunglasses (I ran the majority of the race with them on my head because I decided to wear my darker lens pair and it actually wasn't sunny at all!) when Pink's song "I Am Here" came on. For some reason this one hit me RIGHT in the feels. Nothing else matters because I am HERE, I am alive, I am loving every minute of this stupid shit that I put myself through on purpose. The line "I can think of one thousand places much worse that this" really hit at a moment when I was truly starting to feel a little tired - sure, this might be a little hard, but isn't it actually kind of wonderful, when you really think about it?
We wound our way back to the other side of the out and back, and once again I decided to channel my energy into hyping up the runners on the opposite side, even getting a few high fives from those on the out stretch which was really fun, and I think was a first for me! Someone running near me commented about my good vibes which delighted me - he said something to the effect of "I just want to keep running by you, you've got such great energy!" which is truly the greatest compliment someone could ever give to me. I'm not sure I could have kept this up if I was truly running at race effort, but at the current pace it was the perfect distraction and soon enough we were heading over the bridge towards the second half of the race.
Running over the bridge was one of the only moments I can remember where I thought like, oh, the second half of this might be hard. I definitely could feel the work of the last 13 miles, and I just didn't feel as at ease anymore. But I kept reminding myself that if the pace was too much, I just needed to slow down! I think in hindsight I realize that somewhere along the way I decided that not only did I want to run party pace but I wanted to see how fast party pace could be. In my mind I had pictured literally stopping, walking, etc - or if I had REALLY note cared I would have stopped for the bathroom, or whatever, but when it came right down to it I still wanted this to be a race...just an unusual sort of race. Guess tigers can't completely change their stripes after all...lol.
We headed into the park which I remembered from the half, but either the marathon course is actually different or I'm misremembering it because there was another long out and back stretch where we were facing runners going the opposite way that I definitely did not recall. It was another quieter section in terms of spectators, so once again I decided to channel any thoughts I was having into hype train for the runners on the opposite side. It was once again a solid distraction and a way to keep myself from putting any attention to how I was actually feeling - honestly, another huge perk of the Philly course in my opinion! The spectators in the park itself were more scattered, but those that were there were excellent - there was a group blasting some techno, which I'm always here for, and one lone random man who was yelling like a maniac which I also approve of because I too am typically a lone random woman lol.
There's a glorious downhill that I remembered from the half as you head back down towards the river, and I threw in some more airplane arms because my legs were rejuvenated and the vibes were high. I can't remember exactly what song was playing at this point but I think it was a solid techno banger and I just floated down the hill, having so, so much fun. Now, I CAN tell you what song was playing next because it was Crazy Bitch, a song that has always cracked me up and been an anthem of my training since my first half marathon way back in 2007, but much to my dismay my headphones decided to die right in the middle of the song! This made no sense (I had literally fully charged them the previous day and they usually last 6-7 hours) and was super annoying, but did make for something of a distraction as I fiddled with my phone, turning the headphones on and off, and eventually gave up and realized that they were dead. I decided that I still needed music so just let my phone play out of my bra - half the time I couldn't even hear it because the crowds were so loud, but I still really wanted my perfect playlist to match my perfect party!
This was around mile 17-18, and the point where my legs DEFINITELY started to feel the fact that I hadn't actually trained for this race. The good news was, the hard part came exactly when I suspected it would, and I was ready for it. I was honestly just grateful to have felt completely amazing for 18 miles - if I had to find a way to gut it out through 8 more, that was survivable. I laughed at myself internally for ever thinking I'd drop out at 16 - or at all. I knew now that I could make it, and I WAS going to have fun doing it, no matter what.
We were once again on an out and back stretch, this time with the opportunity to cheer for the elites and runners leading the race, and of course I took that opportunity and ran with it. A man in front of me seemed genuinely confused at my ability to have the energy to shout encouragement at other runners while running, as he put it "sub 3:40 pace yourself!". I couldn't quite tell if that was a compliment or an underhanded desire for me to get away and stop annoying him with my perkiness, but either way it made me smile even bigger at the way I was getting to combine all of my favorite things into one amazing marathon day. By this point I had finished my bottle that I had brought, and so started grabbing some nuun from the aid stations because I realized I hadn't been drinking a ton. I think I got away with a bit because the weather was great (low 50s and overcast) and I probably should have finished my bottle sooner, but honestly it was kind of great not having to deal with the aid stations until the second half, and I'd be tempted to run with my own bottle again in the future - it really didn't bother me at all!
I had heard things about the party that was Manayunk and I was VERY excited to get there, but I was delighted to discover some great party atmosphere on the way as well. There was one group of spectators that I'm convinced was just blasting a playlist of Kesha's greatest hits, as I heard Kesha both on the out AND the back. There were confetti cannons galore although none exploded directly over me (the only thing that I wished for and didn't get out of this race!) The spectators were just IN it, in a way that I just feel like I've never experienced to this degree. I kept smiling, kept vibing, waving at people throwing a house party on their balcony, hitting more tap here for power signs, and despite that fatigue starting to set into my legs, continued simply having a blast.
I saw the mile 21 sign show up on my left before mile 20 beeped on my watched, so I knew we couldn't be too much further from the turnaround. It was at that moment that RUMBLE SLOW came on my playlist, aka my absolute FAVORITE pump up song. Mile 20, Rumble Slow, I don't care if you're tired you don't fucking let up. I let that carry me into Manayunk, which was EVERYTHING that I had heard about, and then some. It was like being dropped into a raging party where everyone is absolutely stoked that you're there, and are committed to you having the absolute best time ever. I immediately spotted a beer stand just after mile 20 and grabbed a cup to raucous applause, throwing my hands in the air and waving my empty cup like I was dancing in the basement of some house party 20 years ago. The roads were narrow and the crowds were right up to the edges, the wall of sound so loud I had no chance of hearing whatever song came next, and I couldn't have cared less. I high fived, I pointed (for some reason pointing at people and WHOOing was my default setting) I slapped more "tap here for power signs", I smiled and smiled and smiled. I can close my eyes and picture coming around the turnaround completely enclosed by these crowds, their energy surrounding me as if I was a rock star, a celebrity, the coolest and most fun person in the room. Oh my God, it was so joyful, so magical. I felt like I was floating; I felt like the grin on my face probably looked ridiculous with how hard I was smiling. I don't actually feel like I can adequately describe the colors, the sounds, the energy in words, but I can see it when I close my eyes. These are the moments I want out of life, that I want to savor and cherish and hold onto and seek out as often as I can - I am doing something hard, but my God, I am having the absolute time of my life.
I found some more beer just after the mile 21 mark and took a short walk break because a) I was getting kinda tired! but more importantly b) it was a very full cup of a DELICIOUS IPA, which normally would maybe be problematic but in this setting was so delightful that I shouted back "AN IPA?! OMG THANK YOU!!" I used this short IPA time to rally my strength; I had 5 more miles to go, and I knew it wasn't going to be an easy 5 miles, but I also knew that I could do this, and I could do it with the same attitude and joy and personal party that had taken me the past 21. I just had to keep holding on. I would also like to say that there was something utterly MAGICAL about "Shots" coming on my playlist just after I had drunk this beer - the ultimate party song that immediately brings me back to Reach the Beach, the place where I actually learned that racing *could* be fun. I thought of my team in that moment and I'll honestly be grateful to them forever for the gift of teaching me that I didn't have to give up the party just because I also wanted to put in the effort.
As we left Manayunk there was a quieter stretch near a freeway, and hilariously the song that my playlist chose to project out into this silence was "Good Afternoon" from the lesser known Will Ferrell Christmas movie Spirited. It's a ridiculous song where "good afternoon" is like a curse and I was dying laughing inside wondering what anyone around me who could hear this marathon playlist selection was thinking. It was sort of wild to me that I was somehow here at mile 22 of a marathon - the most utterly unexpected mile 22 of my life, and yet I can tell you I felt better than I have at mile 22 of at least 10 other marathons. There was fatigue in my legs, sure, but that was it. No hydration issues, no fueling problems, no cramps, no heatstroke, no pain. Just fatigue, and happiness, and letting them blend together for just a few more miles.
Soon I was back in the out and back, passing the Kesha crew, partying my way back to the last 3 miles on the river that would lead me home. A couple of shirtless dudes were hyping up the crowd next to me and I got in on it, telling them how much I loved their vibes. "Fuck yeah!" one of them said, "you know, if it's not fun..." If it's not fun, why do it. I've said those words a lot in the last couple of years, and I really have meant them, but they've never run more true than in this moment, when somehow on my 20th try I was turning this distance into something more than just an obstacle to be faced or a battle to be won. Why was I doing this? Because it was fucking FUN.
And that's about when I took another shot of fireball!!
It was mile 23 and I saw another crew advertising their beverages, and at this point I mean what else was there to do? But the funniest part was that I ran over to get my shot, the group was going wild, and then the girl who actually GAVE me the shot was utterly horrified when I actually took it! She literally went "Oh NOOOOO!" as I shot it back and then called after me "good luck!!" I was absolutely cracking up, but she shouldn't have worried because once again fireball tasted...weirdly amazing? And I mean come on, it's mile 23, there are only so many horrible things that can happen when you only have 3 miles to go. By this juncture I knew I was slowing down and the tin man lead legs were starting to come on, but I kept trying to convince myself that I could always slow down instead of walking. I did take a quick walk break shortly after the fireball shot to work out a little calf spasm, which of course was when I saw BRITTANY and I was like OH NO she can't catch me walking! So I started running again and then shouted "I had a fireball shot!!!" at her like a little kid who has done something slightly naughty and is really proud of it haha.
My watch was cruelly beeping my mile splits almost half a mile before the official mile markers, but at least I'd sort of gotten used to it so I was just thinking of them as two discrete checkpoints - OK, you get the watch beep 24 and then you get the *real* 24. And oof, by this point my legs were really ready to be done running. It was taking a lot more effort to bring the party but I continued to do so even when the fight became real - more high fives, more WOOs at everyone who WOOO'd at me (so much yelling, it was so great), more waving my arms around, more smiling. Under the bridge at mile 25 there was a literal drumline that felt like it was practically shaking the bridge, the perfect sound to bring you home. I still was sort of dumbfounded that I actually was about to finish this marathon, and not only finish but finish in a very reasonable time despite (or perhaps because of!) the absolute party that I had had.
One more mile, my legs tying up, but I knew this finishing stretch from the half and I kept telling myself to hold on. I could only intermittently hear the music coming from my phone at this point, but in a brief moment of quiet I suddenly realized that the song playing was once again, Defying Gravity. And I damn near burst into tears right there, running towards the finish line. Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, it's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap... Today those lyrics meant exactly what I'd said this race would be about from the start - a chance to do a marathon my way, in a way that filled up my heart to the brim. For so many years I truly believed that if I wasn't racing a marathon, aiming for a PR, running to the absolute best of my ability come hell or high water, that I was doing it wrong. That it somehow meant less if I wasn't shooting for my best. And yet, this day, this marathon, this moment, didn't felt like it was any less. In fact, it was everything I ever wanted - effort and joy and fight and fun all wrapped up into one wonderful package. I was in the arena, but I was playing by my own rules, and I'll be damned if it didn't feel just a little bit like flying.
Over the hump of the little hill, wondering when I might be able to finally see the finish line, and laughing as the guy next to me grumbled that we had already run 26.4 miles. I took it all in, the city skyline, the crowds still lining the course after all this way, the finish line arch ahead. I remember thinking once that if I ever didn't think running a marathon was a big deal anymore, that's when I should stop doing them. One could argue that the way I approached this marathon meant that I'd reached that point, that I no longer respected the distance in the way that I once did or should. But running down that finish chute, finishing this distance, it still felt like as big of a moment as it did 15 years and 20 marathons ago. And this time, just as then, it was lit from behind by a complete and utter sense of joy.
I crossed the line and finally looked at my watch, which I had been ignoring for the better part of 3 hours, and was aghast to see a 3:39 lighting the screen. Absolutely beyond my wildest expectations between the (lack of) training, my approach to the race, and simply my current level as a runner. I felt torn between laughter and tears of joy as I realized that I had run 5 minutes faster than I had run at Boston in April, a race that I'd actually trained for, and while yes I had aimed to make it a fun run had included nowhere near the exhilarating joy of this day. The thought that actually did make me well up a little bit in the moment (and still does a bit as I write this now) was the fact that here in my 20th marathon, I had run nearly the exact same time as I had in my first. I felt the years roll back and could practically picture little 22 year old me, with no idea what lay in store when she decided to set off on this journey of being a marathoner. I was so proud of her, for who she had pushed herself to become, and I was so proud of me, for allowing myself to loosen my grip on that picture of success and to find my way back to why I love to do these hard things. And through all of those years, all of those races, a thread: joy, and exhilaration, and doing things that make you come alive. I'm not sure when the marathon is going to call me back, though I'm sure that it will, but there's something that felt right about closing out this chapter of my running career with bookends that fit just right.
I wax poetic about Boston constantly, and after running it 11 times it clearly has a large chunk of my heart. NYC is without compare when it comes to big city energy. There are good things I could say about all (well, *almost* all) of the marathons I've run. But Philly...man, oh man. All 3 times I have participated in this marathon weekend, I have left with the fullest and most joyful heart. That's what made me sign up for this race in the heat of the moment almost a year ago, that's what always makes this race near the top of my favorites list. And I just could not be more grateful or delighted that Philly is the marathon I chose to give myself the gift of freedom, of joy, of 26.2 miles of party pace, nothing more and nothing less. You bet I'll drink to that.
Philadelphia Marathon 2024
3:39:29
83/518 F35-39, 610/4821 F, 2810/12340 OA
PR for most beverages consumed in a race :)
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