Monday, October 13, 2008


So every season, it seems like I have one race that just absolutely SUCKS. I feel like shit, my legs quit on me a mile in, I'm never mentally in it, everyone who I should beat beats me, etc. In the past I've always chalked it up to something going wrong with my training and every season I hope it's not going to happen again. But wow, if there was ever a shit race, Saturday was it. Which is ironic really, because I was the one who really wanted to race this weekend and organized going to the meet...check out how that backfired.

Now I can't totally kill myself over my time (though it was complete shit) because everyone's time was 30 seconds-1:15 slower than they ran at Parkside 3 weeks ago, and the freaking winner of the meet only ran a 20:39. The course at Ripon is pretty much equivalent to dying a slow and painful death, a fact which I chose to ignore when signing up for the meet. Approximately 1000 meters of the first mile is uphill. And not a slight incline...this is a hill of death.woo hoo, there it goes! and we're nowhere even close to the top

But here's what I can be frustrated with myself about: the fact that mentally and physically, I was NEVER in the race. Claire passed me on the first hill, Jade, Nicole, and Taylor all passed me shortly after the mile mark, Nicole BEAT me (it was only by 2 seconds because I finally snapped out of it the last mile and realized oh right, I'm in a RACE here). My legs simply would not function - my calves cramped up like no other, I felt like throwing up, and mentally I was so alarmed with how I felt after the first mile that I freaked out, which most likely made things worse. I have a bad tendency to do that - if I don't feel good at the 1 mile mark, I start thinking about how much further I have to go and focus completely on how crappy I feel, which sends my race to shit. I wanted so badly to go with Jade, but I couldn't convince my legs to go any faster. Granted, I also have that small fact that I ran 6 1200s at ridiculous speeds on Thursday (everyone else ran 4...the joys of having to do workouts alone), but still, it was utterly frustrating to watch my teammates, who I KNOW I'm faster than, leave me in the dust. I've had 3 weeks of solid training since the last meet - this should be when its starting to show, not when it all goes to crap. What I really needed from this race was a confidence boost going into LaX next weekend, and that definitely isn't what I got. It's not even about the time, because those can pretty much be discounted from this race, its about my placement on the team and why I just can't pull it out in races. It's really frustrating, and I find it hard to blame on my mileage because its not like I've been feeling fatigued or adding on distance or anything. All I can hope is that this was my shitty race for the season - I always have one - and move on. And hope that everything I've been doing will come through for me when it really this weekend.

OK, rant over. I ran the arb loop today even though there was really no reason for me to run 7 miles, but there are certain things I need to do for myself after a crappy race and the arb is one of those runs that just puts me at ease. I know it like the back of my hand and I can just cruise. Plus I didn't have to go into work today and I wanted to take advantage of the nice day. 800s at painful pace tomorrow...I don't even know why I'm running with the 20:30 group anymore, since based on my times so far this season I can't see how that's EVER going to happen. But it's not over til its over, and maybe the not-so-great races I've been having are really just a setup for something incredible that's just over the horizon...if I just keep pushing towards it. I know I have it in me...and one of these days, I'm going to prove it. Just watch me.

Ripon Invite - 5K XC
23:17 (7:30 pace...ugh)

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